Since I'm obsessed with my own jokes, here's a load of them, lifted off comments I made in another online journal. I thought I'd keep them here, in my online home, so that I may be reminded of what exams can do to a human mind. None of them are funny, but I suppose that's the point. As you can tell, this one's sort of a personal post, just for me.

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• Actually I don't particularly like the ending theme, at least not as much as the opening one. The ending theme reminds me too much of that Spinal Tap classic, "Man who falls down stairs":
  
  "Oh there's a man
  And he falls down stairs
  Yeah yeah yeah"



• What is faking one's death, really? Isn't murder faking your death? I tried explaining that to the cops, but they wouldn't listen :( That's how I ended up here, in prison. On the bright side, I met Gazza here, which was cool. He was arrested for imitating emus in the zoo.



• Speaking of messing with people's heads, I'm reminded of a quote from my favourite play, There Stands Liberty:
  
  Mary: Oh Henry, you've spilt the soup all over your shirt
  Henry: Oh no, it was a brand new one too!
  Mary: Now we have to try and get the stain out
  Henry: Pass the salt
  



• "What is the meaning of this" is an oblique reference to a saying by Woody Allen's character in What's New Pussycat?, "Put enough kettles in a pot and you can cook them". The reference is that Allen's character in the movie is called "This".



• Oh I get it alright. Get it like a fox! Now that one you have to get! Ok, if you didn't get that, surely you must get this - I mean it's a knock-knock joke for chrissake!
  
  A: Knock-knock
  B: Who's your favourite existential philosopher?
  A: Umm, Descartes?
  B: Oh, so it's more like "I think, therefore I knock on doors"



• It depends how you look at it, really. I mean, if a man offers you a piece of cake, and it has a calculator inside it, where is the morality in not accepting it?



• I am reminded of a line from that most famous of philosophical texts, "Wherefore my heart":
  
  '"Pray tell, sir, what is the meaning of life?", he asked me. I smiled wryly and said "What do you mean?". "I mean, what was man put on earth to do?". "It's quite simple," I said. "We were put here to kill other people". "Pray tell, sir, what do you base this on?", he asked in horror. "Why, on killing other people", I replied.'
  



• I love it when you get prizes by default. I once won a prize for "Best Tom Cruise lookalike" back in the slums of India. The competition was a blind man with no teeth and a cow with rabies. I must admit I thought the cow was going to be stiff competition.



• Well my advice is to figure out who the geniuses are in each of your subjects, then change your surname to match theirs so that you sit next to them in exams. Then it's copy & paste time. I haven't actually tried this, seeing as how I was arrested before I could do exams last year, but it should work.

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