You'll have to excuse the melodrama, because sometimes I'm not sure how to approach these kinds of things. In fact, I'm starting to dislike coming into these things with the intent of a catharsis, because, well, it makes it seem so utilitarian! Certainly no art involved, to my disappointment.
It was then that he saw it, as I should have known he would (he knows too much to let such things pass). He saw what no other had, and somewhat curious, certainly with no malice, he pointed to one of many dips that I had taken for granted, and asked "And is there any significance to this drop over here?". Slightly perplexed by the question, and extremely weary, I tried to brush it off offhandly - "Oh, I think it's just an anomaly". When he raised his eyebrows and slowly turned his face towards me, I can only remember staring into his eyes in absolute terror. The silent gaze stripped away all those lies, all those half-baked conjectures, and whatever foolish hope I had before of somehow getting through without anyone finding out. He saw the uncertainity, and the truth, for my body was desperate to reveal it to whoever was interested. In those eyes, I could see that I had awakened the rage that people whispered about in corridors after hours, and I wanted the earth itself to rise up and swallow me before he did. That, I told myself, was not the right answer.
Tuesday, October 17, 2006
A great article that documents that which I sometimes think many have fallen prey to, in this age of ours, the curse of musical over-consumption. I find it especially trenchant when he remarks how one of the symptoms of this affliction is that you end up wanting to listen to something just for the sake of "having listened to it" - so that the next time you read about it, you can pat yourself on the back and say "Yeah, I know those sonic textures are amazing". That was pretty much exactly where I was at a few years ago - but you know, what is worrying to me is that while I don't consume all that much anymore, when I do listen to something, there are still times when the excitement is at being able to finally express my thoughts on it afterwards. To who or what, I am not sure, but there you go. The music becomes incidental! If there is a complete cure, it would seem that under-consumption is not it!