Saturday, April 24, 2004

Alternate ending to The Wisdom Glass: "The judgement of the wisdom glass must be carried out!" / "Uh, how about Oh hell no!" (Man is beaten within an inch of his life).

Thursday, April 22, 2004

And I thought no-one understood me. Sure looks a lot better than a poster of that crummy John Lennon, say what?
I've never seen anyone as into a band as GW is. Ya gotta admit, the Oils are cool.

Darkness on the edge of town is quite good, probably more cohesive than The River, although probably not blessed with as many hooks and melodies. But then again it's not the sort of album that's about hooks and melodies - it's the sort of album that's about Adam Raised A Cain. Of course, there's Badlands, one of those lovely opening tracks that sort of blows you away with pomp and bombast. Something of an aberration though, because the rest of the album is very much a tired Springsteen - just look at the cover! He starts deviating from the traditional working-class-hero formula and gets a bit edgier, which is of course a good thing. For one, the songs are a lot more resonant, and can be considered a bit more sreiously. It's a pity that there don't seem to be any other Springsteen albums that are favoured by my good friend Starostin; not that Starostin's word is God, of course.
Now this is just plain cool - free GMail subscription thanks to Blogger! I knew this blog would pay off someday!

Monday, April 19, 2004

I ought to try to do more programming questions, much like the ones asked in technical interviews. As it stands, I'm woefully inadequate in all areas of programming development. It's true that not many people who are at uni studying IT are probably as nerdy as I am i.e. they probably don't take the time to research this sort of stuff, but I don't think many of them are really going for a pure-software based career. All things considered, suicide is probably the best option! (Note from future: Funny how things change, huh? Can't imagine why I would write something like this)

Friday, April 16, 2004

It appears that BlogPulse has picked up my Paul Simon reference on the 4th of March (the Kodachrome one). Hardly worth any attention, but it's the only site in existence that has a link to mine. It's nice to be famous, isn't it?

I've just survived a marathon LAN gaming session - 5 hours of Unreal Tournament! I spent a lot of time "killing my own dumb self", but apart from that, it's good to immerse yourselves in games once in a while. It reminds you that reality isn't all that it's cracked up to be, and that sometimes escapism is a healthy route to take. What am I on about, hmm?

Thursday, April 15, 2004

POPFile is an amazing tool - a spam-filterer implemented using Bayesian filtering. One email account I know used to have literally hundreds of junk mail everyday, but once this proggy was installed, it's been reduced to 5, maybe 10 a day, maximum - usually, there's no spam at all! Best of all, of course, it's free!
Bandolier has such a nice album cover, it makes me wish I were into metal. Only slightly though. I think it reminds me of comics/cartoons from my childhood, perhaps a combination of Birdman and for some reason I keep thinking X-Men (the Savage Land saga in the cartoons?). Don't you love it when things remind you of something from the past?

Wednesday, April 14, 2004

I don't like overconfidence in people. Heck, forget that, I don't even like confidence. I prefer the shattered, paranoid, delusional, underconfident person with a supreme inferiority complex. Now that's class for you. I have the odd propensity to equate confidence with arrogance. I wonder why that is? For all my feeble attempts, deep down I am as arrogant as anyone else, probably even more. By pretending it's not the case, I merely cause all sorts of weird mental problems.

I wonder why I have started going crazy this past week. Perhaps it's the full moon? Or lack thereof.

Tuesday, April 13, 2004

"I'd never join a club that would allow a person like me to become a member" (Woody Allen). God that's some good stuff. And totally true. I think I am in many ways like Mr. Allen. Actually not really, although I am perpetually plagued with self-doubt and I am totally insane. Is that what Woody Allen's like? I don't know, but I'd be interested to find a compatriot in my search for meaning in this crazy world. Isn't it funny, I mentioned Woody Allen yesterday too, so now it seems like he's some kind of idol or something. That's what I would think if I read this. But it's just coincidence, ya know? I don't think I believe in idols, it's a surefire way to get disappointed. I guess the problem is that everyone is fundamentally flawed, in some way or the other.

Life is funny. You can't do anything without being reminded of what a sense of humour it is. But ooh boy, it's one messed up, sick, twisted sense of humour. Even people you think you know can surprise you, can't they? Wonderful stuff. I'm a great fan of your work, life. Having said that, perhaps death is funnier. In fact, life and death are probably the two greatest comedians I can think of. And God too, of course. They form the triad of laughter! Oh blessed trinity...

"If there is a God, he is a malign thug" (Mark Twain). I wonder what the triad would say to that? Probably something funny.
Oluseyi just plain rules. Shame on me if I ever forget him! It's always a pleasure to see a piece of ignorance Sonaiyaed.

Monday, April 12, 2004

Having guests in the house is always nice, but at the same time I, being the negative fatalist that I am, always dread the last day of the visit, where the goodbyes are said. Primarily of course because it's sad in itself, but also because it makes me go into deep introspective philosophizing - like now. Alright, I'll try to go easy on you, gentle reader.

The goodbyes invariably make me wonder what in God's name I am doing here. The feeling of isolation is ever-present, plus the distinct belief that I am stuck in the middle of nowhere. I certainly don't think I fit in here; it has gotten better, admittedly, the past few years, but I still feel like an outsider in this society. The vastly different ideologies are the worst part - the clash is sometimes too hard to bear! It is hard to explain some manifestations of a different cultural upbringing, especially when it seems like I'm hiding behind some lame excuse. I don't know, perhaps in part I am? I wonder if I believe myself sometimes.

Yet at the same time, surely I am too much of an outsider in my own society now, having being spoilt by western luxuries and what have you. I probably treat India as some kind of paradoxical flawed utopia in my mind, a typical escapist fantasy. Then again, it is possible I'm being too cynical. Here I go again, covering all bases..Anyway, the heart of the matter is, I don't know, I'm an outsider in both worlds, and I probably will never fit in anywhere.

Sigh, now all I need is some teen-angst ridden suicide poem, say what?

Sunday, April 11, 2004

Dear diary, what a day it's been...

Being a nerd is hard sometimes. Especially when you're introspective too. Too much introspection is a bad thing, or at least that's what I tell myself sometimes. "People tell me that it's a sin / To know and feel too much within". I guess it all makes sense, what with me being totally crazy and all. Are you introspective, gentle reader? If so, I wonder to what extent; probably nowhere near as introspective as I am. It's amazing, you never know what goes on in a single human heart (paraphrased from my old chum Graham Greene).

I'm going totally crazy with a software assignment. It's all about gumption, you know? If you don't feel good about it, it won't be good. And feel good about it I do not.

FORD, I swear, I do believe I'm going crazy!

Oh God, what have I done, I've turned this into one of those blogs..(Woody Allen voice)ahh geez, what's going on?

Someone blew the A-bomb today, but it wasn't anyone I know..

Tuesday, April 06, 2004

Nighttime is always the right time for analysis of the psyche. At some point last night, before I feel asleep, I was forced to reel with horror at the fact that I was me. I was thinking about myself walking around places, and how other people would be seeing me, and I couldn't help but scream. It seemed so odd to me that I was that person, the person with a face, who was observed by other people, just like everybody else. In a way, perhaps I am largely constrained to the first-person view that I normally take, and so it struck me kind of odd that I should be more a person that merely a manifestation of a mind. Isn't it interesting then that we are able to create memories with images in the third person? Simply fascinating, I think, that we are able to do this so convincingly that we don't notice the discrepancy (between the first-person view of the event itself and the third person view of the memory of the event) unless we forcibly consider it. This gets one thinking about whether we are really any more than a mind, and whether this physical manifestation is an illusion.

Somewhat tagential is the idea of whether the first person view implies like I am some sort of observer, or even if I am the centre of the universe (arrogant, no?). Now, I don't want to get all solipsist on you, but I have considered solipsism in the past, and it truly brought a tear to my eye that there were other people who thought about the same things that I did. Not that I believe it or anything, it's just an interesting possibility that I have thought about. There are of course times when you like to feel that you're some kind of God (or is that just me!?), and those are the times when you want to believe in a world where only you exist - where past, present, future are all meaningless without you! You have to admit, it is possible.

Sunday, April 04, 2004

gOsH, iF i sEe a bLoG wItH a tItLe lIkE tHiS aGaIn, i sWeAr i'Ll sCrEaM...

Saturday, April 03, 2004

If there is one thing that is more interesting that blogs about every little detail that goes on in one's life, then surely it must blogs about how miserable a person is and how much of a failure they are. Kinda like this post right here. It's amusing in the blackest possible way to read about people who see no point to their lives and who contemplate suicide. I don't know, when everything's going good in your own life you tend to look rather strangely at other people facing the darkest hours of their lives. Wow, what an amazingly tangential topic. Come to think of it, there is no topic. Of course, there is the fact that I'm a failure and that I'll never achieve anything worthwhile. 100 years from now, it's bye bye me and everything I've every known! How amusing.

I'm trying to find a lyric which I think is Dylan's. Something about seeing a man about to jump, and "part of me wanted to see him fall".

And I thought uni dried my creativity! For shame.
Wanna know? I pity the foo' who argues with me. Check out the "How To Be Funny" and "How To Be Romantic" ones too.

Friday, April 02, 2004

Wow. In ten year's time, I'll be (close to) 30. That's pretty amazing, don't you think? It's just utterly and plainly beyond my comprehension what my life will be like then. Which part of the world, what job (if any), and, well, everything really, is a complete blur. Most importantly of course, is whether I can read over this blog and remember days of future passed. To the future me - you were one crazy kid. Ahh what will I wear, to all tomorrow's parties...
"Speak for yourself. Everything for me goes according to plan. Like the time me and Jimmy Mantis went out to the ocean to hunt that shark. A real killer it was. Ate Jimmy up in one piece. Have you ever seen a man eaten alive? All that boy wanted wast to go home to his wife, and then he saw her alright - saw her as his life flashed before his eyes. It's the strangest thing, the ocean. Everyday you drink water, but one day, a shark comes up and eats you. That's some messed up Zen stuff man. "

"...It doesn't pay good, and you get mistreated badly, but at least now I don't have to clean up after Jimmy. That shark showed him good. Rest in peace, Jimmy. "

Truly, some of my best work.