Sunday, July 08, 2012

I'm not sure that time spent away from chronicling my thoughts here is time out of mind, per se. But I have noticed that these warm-up posts are generally based on realizations that would be at the front of my mind during periods of more intense introspection. The latest instance was a moment of interaction with people whose backgrounds largely mirror my own. I was struck that there is a big difference in how well-adjusted they were, how effortlessly they conducted themselves in situations that have filled me with palpable tension for long as I can remember. It made me realize how unusual my social awkwardness really is. I suppose I've had vague ideas that this was at least partly borne from nurture, but I don't think that holds any creed anymore.

Now, not that it's any strong consolation, but it may be that there is a selection bias involved here. Perhaps it's just a miracle I've made it so far in a path that naturally encourages like-minded people to politely excuse themselves and seek another calling? (If this other calling involves listening to music by myself all day, then I'll be set.) Ah, but that's the thing: these are supposed to be the social misfits and outcasts, aren't they? What does it mean when I'm the odd one out amongst them?! Either I just haven't seen these lads in a wide enough set of social situations, or (what I'm leaning towards) this outcast theory is something that may have been true 30 years ago, but no longer.