Saturday, September 24, 2011
I saw him again after a much needed break in our interaction. The first new sight of him immediately brought a thought to mind: I could almost perfectly map his personality and actions to someone from the country I left behind. I had to smile at this, which he probably took to be a warm welcome. The equation has changed, I thought, for I felt as though I now controlled his fate.
Sunday, September 04, 2011
Every time I think of you, I'm conscious somewhere that I deepen my curse. Of course having a heart and having some memory of love, or whatever this wretched affliction is, is better than none. But ask me honestly if I would like to keep this heart, bruised everytime it is reminded of its denial, and of course I will scream back No. Ask me if these years and years of your face coming to my mind when the spirit is at its most vulnerable are something I cherish and I will weep in reply. After all, this is the only life I have, and what happened, happened. Forever supposing on how things could have turned out might have seemed tragically romantic for a year or two. But now I've had it with all that. I'd gladly give it all away, but I doubt anyone would actually want to take it. That leaves patiently and methodically erasing these memories and feelings all by myself. All this requires is convincing the curse that it wants to be lifted.