I feel strangely obliged to post today, as though the fact that I've gone and spruced up the design somehow demands that I post something meaningful and coherent when I have the time. And right now I certainly have the time, but I'm not sure whether I have anything to say. I think I tend to build up a sense of occasion too much, that I have created in my mind this image that the blog is a living creature, waiting hungrily for new posts. Actually, that's far more bizarre, even for my tastes, but it's somewhere along those lines.

Memory burns are a mixed blessing. There are things that I would never want to forget my whole life, but there are things that make me wisht that I could just snap my fingers and make it all go away. Still, I doubt I would ever give up the good just to get rid of the bad, 'twould contradict my life philosophy in some sense. In particular, I am drawn to one particular memory that is forever etched in my brain; there are others, mind you, far more personal, the likes of which I would never mention to another soul, but today I want to talk about this particular one. Although, I suppose mentioning that there are these other secret memories only serves to pique your interest, eh? Ah, what a cruel game I play with you, gentle reader!

There was a time when I believed I was somehow better than most other people in some ways. I say "some ways" because I've always been the shattered image of failure and manic nervousness that I am now - but there was a time when I had a certain air of confidence, and one thing led to another, and this confidence turned into a sort of private arrogance. It wasn't the sort of thing that I would express outwardly, no, this was just between me and my mind (has anything changed, really?). Funnily enough, I am now thinking of Gollum (from The Lord Of The Rings, where else?). In a sense I suppose I've always had two sides - the good and the evil, and back then there was quite an amusing (in retrospect, of course) struggle between the two.

This post just so happens to be a draft that I am finally publishing a fair bit after I originally wrote it. It's so beautiful how ideas and moments are sometimes inseparable - whatever feelings I had when originally composing this are lost on me. Not that this was the sort of post that's about feelings, for those ones usually make some semblance of an attempt to distill the vague thoughts into words. But it's the nomads like this that end up getting lost - lost, never to be found again..