I wonder what it is about humans that we are unable to separate logic and emotion. Why do I consistently do the opposite of what logic tells me, instead following emotion? I especially love it when afterwards I sit back and reflect on everything, and basically end up where I started - having a perfectly clear idea, logically, of what I should do. But when the moment comes, say bye-bye to logic. Someone I know once likened it to how your intellect is a soft voice that speaks to you, whereas your body is this massive sea of emotions and feelings that totally overwhelms you. When the moment comes, do you listen to the soft voice? Or do you listen to the roaring sea? Interesting.

Of course, I don't mean that one should live one's life purely by logic, but surely one should not live one's life purely based on feeling. The answer must lie somewhere in between.

If we have a soul, can we lose it forever? When you sin, what happens? Does a part of you die? Are you robbed of the one thing that could make you immortal? Are you left to contemplate your actions and realize and what you've given up? Is there a universal notion of sin anyway? At some degree, moral standards are self-imposed, so sin would have to be a relative term in some sense.

What does it mean when you beg for forgiveness and then make the same mistake again? Does your word have any worth anymore? I don't think I can trust myself anymore, I don't think I know who I am! It's easy now to think "Oh but I'll never do it again". That's what I said two years ago, and now look at me. Simply pathetic.

I bitterly realize today that I am much the same person I was two years ago. I have not changed at all - sure, I try to act like I'm suddenly mature, but nope, I'm still a frightened, confused little boy on the inside. The more things change, the more they stay the same. I wish I could just snap my fingers and forget the past, but it's never that easy. Confusion, pain and sorrow are powerful emotions, ones that you can hide for a long time, but which sooner or later are going to turn up again.