Yay, pretty much everything is working in Fedora now. The sound card was giving problems but I think I've solved that now, it can play OGG and WAV files, just not CDs. I suspect this is because I don't have the audio cable attached onto my soundcard, so I will check that out soon. But other than that, it's all good - wireless internet, printing, sound and full access to my XP box. Plus, I got to muck around a little with funky stuff like /dev/dsp and other cool Linuxy things. So nice to get your feet wet editing these weird and wonderful files.

Watership Down was coming on TV this morning. What a subtly beautiful story! I remember trying to explain it once to someone, but it sounded so silly and I felt embarassed. Once you say "there's these group of rabbits, see?", you automatically sound silly. Admittedly, that is something of a turn off, because it automatically draws up the idea of being a children-only thing (I suppose Animal Farm might be another thing that might come to mind? Hmm). Yet if one only read the book or watched the movie, one would (I think) be struck by the sheer beauty of it. I still get chills when the eagle flies in and takes away Violet, and then Fiver just says "Violet's gone" - it's hard to explain, I suppose it's another one of those things that has been buried in my memory and so is something I have built a strong emotional attachment to over time.

A pity I couldn't watch the whole thing today, especially the really good bits with the general, but I will try to make it a point to watch it by the end of the month (assuming it comes again, which it should).

I also saw Alien a few days ago. Amazingly enough, I was able to remember the plot quite vividly - but from the Mad magazine spoof of it! I don't remember it as being particularly funny too, it's just one of those things that stays with you, a memory burn as Seinfeld puts it. The movie isn't as scary as I though it would be, although I think the supsense is done superbly. Ridley Scott is obviously a very talented filmmaker. It makes me wonder whether there have been any genuinely scary/creepy movies made in the last 10 years? Nothing really comes to mind, but then again I'm comparing a pop-culture icon to stuff I see at night on Showtime, so yeah, my opinion is worth dirt. I rather unfortunately missed the sequel, but that's another thing on the "to-watch" list, which seems to ever-growing.

And the fact that it is growing is disheartening, because I have exams coming up next week, and I really should be thinking more about them rather than what movies to watch. I suppose I've never really been comfortable with the idea of relaxing too much during periods when it's fairly critical to maintain focus. But it is becoming especially hard to maintain focus with uni work nowadays. Have I reached the limit? Am I so totally burnt out that I simply cannot spend as much time on study as I used to? Or am I becoming a lazy slob desperate to cook up excuses? Does it really matter? It matters to me, for reasons that are no doubt strange in the light of cold reason. Reason and logic dictate my two areas of study (computer science and maths), yet I still choose to ignore them whenever convenient. I'm sure I have a bright future ahead of me.

Speaking of which, I came across some MSDN blogs and saw a few MS developers talking about tech interviews. As always, I became paralyzed with fear as I realized that I would probably not be able to do any of the sorts of questions they were asking. I am a terrible logical thinker and what's worse is I hardly ever do coding anymore unless it's for assignments - I simply don't have the time. What this means, essentially, that I'm probably going to end up with no job prospects whatsoever, or at least not at any major company like say Microsoft. "Ok, so maybe you're not Microsoft material, but that ain't so bad now is it? I mean, there are plenty of fish in the sea". But the thing is, if I ain't MS material, what material am I? A small software company that staffs 50 people? If so, is that what I'm going to be doing for the rest of my life, working in a small company? I suppose we all have the illusion of becoming rich and successful, but with me I can only see failure and everyone saying that I'm "wasting my potential", when in fact, no, I'm not, I'm utilizing all my potential, I'm just not good enough, that's all. "Ok ok, so maybe you won't be rich and successful, is that such a bad thing?". There's a question whose answer is worth recording. Of course the rational side of me says "money can't buy happiness" and other cliches, and I actually agree with that. But it's not the money, I think it's more the success side of it - I want to be successful, to fulfill this image in my head of what a good life should be. A good life should be successful would imply that a good life is a successful life, no? Is that right? Hmm.

I suppose the way to do anything about this (if at all there is anything inherently wrong with such a view) would be to try and think critically about things now and challenge my own ideas to see if I can put my mind at ease. But I'm far too scattered in my thoughts to do that. Hopefully this blog will help - I can try to continue and have conversations with you, gentle reader.

And one more thing, while I'm on a roll tonight. Do I want to do software for the rest of my life? What is my legacy? Creating software systems, essentially things that exist in the most abstract sense inside a computer? Is that something I should be proud of? Where is my mark on the world? When I die, what will I leave behind for people to remember me by? Do I want to be remembered in the first place? All very interesting questions, ones that I have thought about for a long time. Depressing questions too, because most of the time I am forced to conclude that it is very likely that I will merely fade away in the sands of time. Now, I don't think I am suggesting that software development is a "dead-end" field or anything. I suppose a similar argument could be applied to pretty much any profession there is under the sky. Bankers, lawyers, what legacy do they leave (unless you're the top of your field, of course)? Actually, a little reflection reveals that it is not ones' profession that I am questioning, but rather it is life itself. Life and ones' legacy, if such a thing is still possible in the modern world. Even greats of the past are eventually forgotten - off the top of my head, mathematical geniuses who came up with some amazing results centuries ago will soon vanish as individuals and remain only as names in theorems. What an unfitting end.

Mortality is one of the scariest issues that you can think of, and so I suppose I'd best leave it at that.

Wow, by far the longest post ever. Let's see how long before I get burnt out by over-blogging.