Visual Complex Analysis excites me, which is good, because I could use the excitement these days. I've only gone through the first chapter, but I really enjoy Needham's style and love the fact that he actually tries to look at some of the motivations behind great mathematical ideas. F'rinstance, the bit about "Bombelli's wild thought" (on the motivation for complex numbers arising from the intersection of cubics and straight lines) just made me feel really, really happy. Inexplicable, really, but I felt as though there was something to cling onto in my life. Even if the whole universe comes crashing down tomorrow, I will have this memory. This I think is another example of the very essence of something being enough for me; I'm sure if one asked me the specifics of the matter, I would draw a blank, but it's the very principle of the thing that I admire, m'boy.

I don't normally talk about what happens to me in real life, but today I'll make a brief exception. We had to introduce ourselves in one of my classes today, and were supposed to say something interesting about ourselves. I chose to say that I like mathematics. I hope I don't get laughed out of the class next week. I gotta say, I realized that I am hopelessly a nerd through and through. Not that I mind, and not that I didn't already know this, but it's kinda funny to be reminded.

Lately I've been giving some (possibly frivolous) thought to transferring. I'm not sure whether I would transfer to a different university or to a different degree, but lately I've been feeling like nothing has been cutting it. I don't feel motivated at all, and it seems like my only purpose has been to whinge about how bad things are at uni. Not exactly the most constructive use of my time, eh? I suppose one is supposed to be self-motivated, and do things by themselves; I've come to the bitter-realization that university is not the fountain of knowledge that my naive former self thought it was. More than anything, it seems a test of whether you can endure 3/4 years of different lecturers, each with their idiosyncracies, and purely arbitrary assessment mechanisms. If you can survive this torture, you can make it in the real world.

Sometimes I feel there is something very wrong with the real world. I don't look forward to the prospect of having a steady job for 30 years or something. Partly because I don't look forward to having a commitment every single day for the next 30 years. There's not enough time to do so many things - apart from whining, there's no time to figure out just what in God's name we are all doing here, and why one shouldn't just give up tomorrow and do something totally bizarre that goes against all social norms.

I am reminded of a dilemma posed in a computer game (Ultima 8, to be specific). (Don't snicker! Some games can make you think). It was in a book, where the narrator asked what reason there was for us not to wake up the next day and go poison the town water-supply. Abstract away the reprecussions of such an action in modern society (that is, assume there is no police force that will arrest you, and so on). The narrator is then doubtful of the view that some God will incur his wrath on you if you harm others. Interesting, if nothing else.

Actually, this reminds me of something else (as you can see, my mind is very strange. I have lots of associations that tend to go nowhere). There is a bunch of really interesting philosophy games here. Well, interesting if you're like me, anyway. These games basically involve you answering some interesting (again, that darn subjective word) philosophical questions about God, morality, and everything else those crazy Brits who run the site could think of. I recommend the "Battleground God" one, although I don't particularly agree with some of the game's responses. There are some real gems here, like this:

"A charity collection takes place in your office. For every UK£10.00 given, a blind person's sight is restored. Instead of donating UK£10.00, you use the money to treat yourself to a cocktail after work. Are you morally responsible for the continued blindness of the person who would have been treated had you made the donation?"

I think I should do philosophy. It has to be better than whatever rubbish I'm doing right now.