I get the feeling that I ought to become more serious more often. Why? Because I'm turning into the boy who cried wolf. I suppose I use humour as a defense mechanism; but how defensive can you get?! Now it appears that most people rarely believe me if I say anything serious. In the moments that I realize this, I feel really small and insignificant, for a multitude of reasons, prime among them being the fact that someone else can never really know what you're like. This may seem tangential, but bear with me. See, the problem is that one can make deductions about another's thoughts, but I doubt that it is ever possible to do so with certainty. 'Twould seem that with people like me, who seem to suffer from violent mood and behavioural swings, such a thing is not good, because trying to convince someone that you suddenly want to be serious is all but impossible. And it leaves us helpless, helpless, helpless, helpless, ...

The issue here is that things would be so much simpler if others could see what I am thinking. Sounds kinda crazy, doesn't it? I suppose in essence I want the removal of all forms of verbal communication. If I were more of a trekkie, I would go all 7-of-9 on you and say something like "It is an inefficient use of one's time", but nah, forget that. I'm just wistfully thinking what it would be like in such a world. This is yet another time when it would be nice if people could look behind the mask and see what I really think, for then I wouldn't have to go to all the trouble of explaining myself. Having said that, I do enjoy this laborious yet ultimately pointless venture.

I wish now that I had made this blog anonymously. For without anonymity, can one truly confess everything? I think not. On the other hand, 'twould leave me with no readership. But what is the importance of that, really? Virtually none in my case, because I post nothing that engages or demands the reader, nothing that would benefit from comments. Not that I am dismissing you as worthless, gentle reader; it's just that I think it's all just ego-stroking for me.

But as to anonymity. There are things I would never write about anyway, be it under my name or under the clouds of an anonymous blog. Yet there are also other things which would definitely benefit from no-one knowing just who in blazes I am. Ah, quite a quandry I seem to have gotten myself into, eh? I'm not going to make a second "private" blog as some people like to do, no sir! I'm know there's an answer somewhere, I just have to find it.

Continuing from yesterday's theme, right now I wonder why it should be impossible that I am all-powerful (laws of physics and common sense aside, mind you).

Sometime has irritated me for a while now. There is a column at the back of The Syndey Morning Herald, called "The Heckler", where readers are invited to write about something that "makes your blood boil". It seems that 90% of the people who write in have this strange sense of humour that I find slightly cliched and somewhat ridiculous after a point. It's one of those intangible things that I can't quite explain - oh sure, I could analyze it and notice the juxtaposition of non-sequitur with abrupt paragraph ends and what have you, but I prefer to live my life in literary ignorance. Suffice to say, most people seem obliged to make their writing humorous, and this brand of humour is funny, but only in small doses, and I think it's loooong past it's expiration date!

Incidentally, I was reminded of this just now because I made a "joke" that fit into this pattern.

Since I seem to be throwing out references like nobody's business, I may as well point out that there's a Beach Boys reference in this post. As in, a line from one of their songs buried in one of the cryptic sentences. Happy hunting!