I wonder if you have experienced the utterly confounding gap between reason and passion (for lack of better words; I am motivated by a Dostoevsky quote, "Reason is the slave of passion"). I've lost count of the number of times I've sat down and looked at a situation rationally, deciding on a course of action, only to have my emotions make me act in a completely opposite manner. The first few times, it's interesting, and sort of funny. After a point, however, it's just bizarre and frightening. Invariably, such realizations come to me on the train ride home, as I move further away from the dreaded institute. I have bittersweet feelings towards those rides. I'd be lying if I said I thoroughly enjoyed all the self-reflection I do, because ultimately a lot of it involves me coming to the typical teen musings (I'm a loser, a failure, I hate everything, ... you know how it goes!). But, at the same time, I think I'd happily take the good with the bad, on the whole anyway. It's sort of like taking out the garbage in my head, if that analogy makes even the slightest bit of sense.

Now, although I have lots of self-reflection, I sometimes have odd bohemian tendencies, where I feel for some reason I'm really special and complex, and where I convince myself that I genuinely don't care about what other people think. When this happens, I sometimes tend to let the masochist inside me awaken too. Hey, when it rains, it pours. So in such times, as though to prove to myself that I truly don't care about public opinion, I try to put myself in an awkward situation to see if I can deal with it without for a second worrying about what other people think. Sounds twisted and messed up? It certainly is, but I suppose these are the games I must resort to, what with the universe having given up on me and all. Only half-serious..!

Now onto the meaning of life. Actually, I don't have the time to elaborate on this right now, or rather I don't have the energy. But I will mention that I've read that the purpose of our existence is to help humanity as a whole ascend to something greater. This was interesting to me, because I previously was bound by a ego-centric mindset that life must have some immediate, all-serving purpose that specifically involved me and my destiny or what have you. It never occured to me that perhaps we were all created with a role to play in a larger team, as it were. Not to say that that's what it's all about, of course; rather, it's the very fact that the idea was able to show me the limitations of my previous mindset that make it memorable.
"Memorable to you, perhaps", I hear you say, and that's true; a lot of what I ramble on here probably isn't as interesting and thought-provoking as I sometimes like to think it is.

In other news, I finished the Star Wars game with the dark-side ending, and so I have finally taken over the galaxy. Gee, it took only a week to finish the game, which is sort of disappointing. I think the problem is that it was made with a strong focus on the Xbox, not the PC. Hmm not that I have any experience with console games, but for some reason I feel that's why it was relatively short (compared to, say, Baldur's Gate).

Tomorrow may prove to be an interesting day for a couple of reasons. I don't really know what they are, but I'll be sure to let you know of any drama and mystery that unfolds, gentle reader.

You have my apologies for a meandering post, dear reader. It is far too late for me to try to say anything meaningful, but I feel like I must, because I simply don't get any other time to write such reflections these days.