The Unbearable Hardness Of Testing

I had once planned to mention that the one good thing that I got out of validation was being introduced to, of all things, The Unbearable Lightness Of Being. I had planned a witty post that took this curiosity and peppered it with some hyperboles about how the other aspects of the subject were vastly disappointing. Such a post would be out of place today, though, for a couple of reasons. I think it might've been the night before the exam that I finally got the subject. Listening to James talk each week, a lot of things seemed to pass me by. It's easy to find problems with my approach in hindsight, of course. Try talking to me when every week it seemed to get worse, as I continued to fail to grasp the contents of lecture after lecture, despite my efforts to read through the lengthy slides on those Friday train rides. But towards the end, I seemed to get it. Or at least I think I got it. Testing is hard. Unbearably hard. Those lectures spent going through lists and lists were in some sense excessive, but arguably necessary to really convey that idea.

It's probably the last time I'll see James, too, and that makes me sad. Should I have put more effort in? It's easy to say yes, but looking back at some of the lectures and tutorials, well...there was something missing, and something I felt I couldn't make up with extra effort. Was it perhaps that I was overly fixated on test-driven development, thereby left perpetually waiting for unit-testing and the like? Possibly. A bit of everything is the easy answer, but I suspect it's also the correct one. It's painful thinking back on these things. They are filled with regrets, blurry memories of sitting in a lab on Friday evening, week after week not knowing what was going on in the subject. And yet, in the end, it all got magically resolved - by which I mean I managed to pull through with a decent mark. Invariably, I leave it at that, but this time, I feel as though I let an opportunity by.

But I can't lie I say that I don't think that he couldn't have done more; no, that would be a complete lie. Throughout semester, I felt as though there was a lack of effort on his part, and looking back on it, well, yeah, I still feel that way. The knowledge was no doubt there, but I don't think it was presented in any sort of accessible manner. But I can empathise - whenever I have taught, there have been moments where I have skimped on details or been unable to produce a nice enough picture of what something is really about. Whether he feels the same, I'll never know. What really gets to me is the feeling that the knowledge was there if I had chosen to take the initiative. If you ask me why I never approached him with one of my many questions on XP, such as its viability, the role of YAGNI, and what have you, I don't have much of an answer. I remember asking DB many C++ questions, though - which leads me to think that maybe it was the perceived difference in standing. I may well have been slightly intimidated by him! But why idolize someone, why paint grand pictures and yet never look to talk to them?

It seems that the lingering memories I will have are that of the book, and the nagging question of whether I wasted a golden opportunity. Not every lecturer is as experienced in the real-world as James is! And none nearly as erudite, 'twould seem...!

As for the book itself, my immediate reactions to pages were interesting. I started off with a sense of wonder and curiosity, and in doing so the book itself seemed to radiate magic, with an unknown mystique that added to its charm. Yet midway, things started to give way. Suddenly there was no magic, and words seemed fake and construed. There were several times that I felt tempted to put the book down, claiming it to be pretentious nonsense and leaving it at that. Yet I persevered, and towards the end things evened out. No genuine magic, yet no distate in the mouth either. But what is stronger that the book itself is the memory of that Friday lecture when this name, unusual and intriguing, was thrown in the unlikeliest of contexts. (Incidentally, as I write this, what else comes to mind but "Thursday doesn't even start / Because Friday, I'm in love". In some sense, perhaps this is the lightness of my being - the song captures a mood that seems so totally out of place and, well, weightless at the moment)