Blogs are meant to capture important moments, no? I may as well note that today I was most unsuccessful in what I set out to achieve - getting a license to roam the streets at night, unattended, in a car! But it's not all gloom, even though it may seem that way to me in moments of weakness, where I am a step away from sobbing (only joking). I can't imagine how long it has been since I have looked apprehensively at the time when I would have to take this test. Probably a good three to four years I'd say, where I would think about just how impossible it would be for me to sit down next to a complete stranger and undertake a series of manoeuvres. Of course everyone tells you it isn't as bad as all that, and it isn't, as one may well expect. However, for those like me dispositioned with a propensity towards imagining the worst, there were moments of unmitigated terror yesterday, as I was in disbelief that the day had finally come.

Superstition usually makes a traditional appearance at times like this, and yesterday I thought I saw several signs, some of them indicating a definite success, others a disappointing failure. Now I look at the latter category and say "But of course! The signs were all there!", forgetting that there were moments that I thought my success was pre-ordained. It's a world away from formal examinations at school, isn't it? At times I thought I would be "taught a lesson" so as to speak, and by failing would be shown that the extent my ability is fairly trivial. A few seconds later, I would console myself by saying that if I could sit through some of the monstrosities that I've faced over the years, then this should prove to be a breeze.

I'd heard stories of being unable to start the car due to nerves, with hands trembling and everything. I used to think that this was definitely the fate that would await me, but it wasn't all that bad. I was a little disappointed that my nerves hadn't fully disappeared by the time I had taken my seat - usually, the best results for me have come when fear evaporated at the last second, giving rise to some perverse confidence, arrogance, or even indifference ("Bah, what difference does it make? Let's just do it!")! Those twenty minutes or so inside the car, as everyone will no doubt tell you, go by in a flash, without one hardly noticing.

My failing was apparently being overly cautious, which is a little more comforting than being pulled up for making dangerous decisions. "Pedantic nonsense!" is what I told myself initially, but there is merit to it after all. The far bigger worry is that the next time, I have to start afresh, and as such need to ensure that I don't make mistakes in any of the other places. Again, in some sense it's probably a good thing, after all it's no use for me to not have total confidence when I have to go out independently, now is it? This unburdening should partially subdue the natural feeling of disappointment, and I hope it can motivate a more polished performance next time.

Update: Come October the 14th, things have finally been resolved! Hooray!