Saturday, April 07, 2007

Well I had to try and make something not totally serious out of it, for the alternative would have been no fun.



It is in some sense funny that before the hilarious chain events that led him to hate me forever, I was the one who felt some sense of discord when thinking about him; I could never place my finger on it, but I felt that there was something to him that was wholly incompatible with me. It is hard to say now what exactly the cause was - jealousy, most likely, for I am ready to admit that his talents far dwarfed my own. But all those moments where I would attempt to rationalize this feeling, followed by me admonishing myself for thinking such things about someone I didn't know, what happened to them on that day? The answer is, quite simply, that they amounted to nothing. He came into the day without knowing who I was, except maybe as a face that moved in circles somewhere near his own. And it took a misheard remark for that to morph into a dislike far worse than the one I imagined that I held against him. I suppose I should feel slighted, but I know it was a misunderstanding, and further, one which I will never be able to explain.

But, even though it is ludicrous, what I really feel upset about is the fact that he managed to trump me without any forethought. What a waste to harbour those half-formed thoughts about him, seeing as how in an instant they were defeated by a snap judgement on his part! Perhaps it is simply the punishment for reflecting too much - the lesson from this experience must surely be that when it comes to matters such as hate, or at least dislike, it is best to not plan its hatching. Fate, I have found, seems only to reward the impetuous, and has no appreciation for planning, no matter how delicate.

2 comments:

airy voices said...

oh come on. You can't seriously mean that. At best it might be a compromise that impulsive people are willing to make with fate.

AKM said...

You're right, I don't :) I wanted to make it non-serious, but reading over it I guess there are no hints to that being the case. The ending bit was meant to be a line of someone who perceives a great injustice has been wrought when in fact it is ludcriously banal. Although I don't think any of that really comes through...I really should be more careful writing things like this! I will try and rework it to make my intent clearer.

Apologies if you found the sentiment to be odious - I assure you, it is not mine!