I read a story with a similar setting to this one, but was somewhat disturbed by what seemed to be implied. I guess my simplistic response is meant to show the other side, but I am not thoroughly convinced it succeeds.
I remember the first photo of myself that I gave you, and how nervous I was that your friends would disapprove. I had that bashful look about me, which was alright, but those blasted shoulders wouldn't stay straight. I had a slouch that could only be consciously over-corrected, making me look even more foolish. I imagined all sorts of spiteful slander based solely on that one photo, and told myself that it would be superficial anyway. At first, I didn't believe you when you said that nothing of the sort went on. I thought then that I knew better, and it is still surprising now that I found out that I did.
When all these years later you told me what they had really said about me based on that photo, for a second or so I wished them all dead. You were giggling about it, much as I expected you would, but I didn't think it amusing in the least. How dare they presume to know who I am! I am sorry I got angry at you, it wasn't your fault - you can't help who they were (are). I am still shocked that V would say something like that; to think of all the times I've shared a dinner table with that...well, there are some things that are best spoken, not written.
You tried to soothe me by saying that it was so many years ago. That much is obvious to me, but I am surprised you do not realize how some wounds are hard to cure, even with copious amounts of time. It seems convenient to say now, but I wish you had told me when it first happened. Does it seem unfair to you? Normally, I would agree, but considering your place I think it is a justified wish. You needn't explain to me twice that it should make no difference as to what was said back then, but some things, well, some things don't change (I'm sure V would attest to this).
But I also see now that part of the reason I got angry is because of what J told me in private after he first saw you. It was a joke (of course) - "domesticated cattle", I believe it was. I'll give you a moment to laugh. Some have said I should've taken it lightly, but how can you? I don't know whether he understood the situation back then; judging by how he subsequently reacted to my deathly silence, I guess not. So perhaps I am punishing him for not being who I want him to be? I will admit it, but I haven't the strength to do anything about it now. But you see, I always felt ashamed that I never told you about him, and always feared that you would find out. Little did I suspect that you were keeping a secret of your own! I think in that second, both secrets were the same secret, and all those years of surreptitious pretense decided that they could stand it no longer, and came out in an explosion.
No, I am not angry any longer, least of all at you. But I think I deserve to never see V again, no matter how much she might have once changed. Yes of course it's unfair, my dear, but time hurries on, as do I. I will be back next week, but before then, there is something I'd like you to do with that photo...
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