I rebuffed their invite because I felt betrayed. By who, or what, I don't know. There's enough blame to go around, likely a lot of it to me (as always). Why do I turn my back on every olive branch sent my way? What, realistically, do I want out of them? An apology? A song of praise? Or maybe, a grand gesture, like calling the whole thing off. Perhaps I want them to admit, We can't possibly go on without you. Except, I know that'll never happen, because I know that's not true. It appeals to my vanity to imagine that I am the only thing standing between them and irrelevance, and that my absence will make them question whether they have let down. In truth, I imagine the show can and will go on without me, and be a splendid success. They will pay my absence as little notice as they do me, and who can blame them?