Why do I find myself constantly on edge, in battle with my mind? Because if I lose that fight, I have no guarantees anymore. Every second could be the last spent in everyday reality. I had a moment today where I glimpsed into the counterlife that waits patiently, as my resolve was slowly weakened and I considered revealing my thoughts to the unwitting companion of that hour. Fortunately, I succeeded in suppression, because who knows what would have happened had I succumbed? None would be spared the terror and beauty of what I have seen. Images and words from lives that did not happen, songs and voices that the world can never hear.

Sometimes it actually seems possible to leave everything behind and rejoin my fellow man. All that I need is to stop remembering, right? How hard is that? It is only through repetition that one becomes convinced of something. When taken out of the rut whose eternal return I know all too well, I am reminded that there is an infinitude outside what I do and can ever hope to know. Somewhere in there must be a way out. All I need is a reason to start searching.