I've interacted peripherally with a few ancient peers of late. I can't comment on whether or not they are successful, but I will say that they seem to have at least made headway when it comes to forging a path for their own. They also seem generally content, though of course each likely has their own problems and worries. Keeping up, or comparing oneself with the neighbours is likely the road to perdition, but at the same time I think it's just embedded in our nature. In my case, I do find it strange that I should be spending my time on, let's be clear, pointless intellectual pursuits that seem to drive me further into solipsism, while providing not sufficient enjoyment to make not notice this (in no small part because I seem quite unsuited for said pursuits). At the same time, each thought of leaving sees the ground turn to quicksand. Somewhere along the line, I seem to have crossed some line through my inaction, and landed in a state where I make sure that every door back to civilization, I shut myself. I especially make sure that any reminder of the past is kept safely at bay. Best that I remain as a memory of whatever minor virtue I used to possess, instead of whatever it is I'm supposed to be now.