Monday, February 21, 2011

A twist in my sobriety

I don't really want to discuss subjects as dismal as sobriety, but sometimes you have no choice; appears not all that much else has been happening. Anyhow, even when desperate, I have standards: I'm not in the mood to have a serious discussion about whether teetotalers like me are basically hypocrites who should be exposed as such. Instead, I would like to point out that I was struck by someone asserting that teetotalism is "irrational". I feel this strikes upon something very deep, because even if true, it seems irrelevant to me. I really don't want to make every decision rationally, scientifically. When it really counts, sure, rationality usually ends up with the optimal reward. But stuffed if I'm going to let that dictate things as trivial as alcohol. Without a little playful idiosyncracy, even if it is irrational to the heavens, what good is any of it? I rather enjoy having a certain stout constancy, even though I honestly don't care about the meaning behind any of it. The source of this constancy isn't (primarily) a sense of principle, it's more a result of this being the way things unfolded from the start. And why should that be so strange*? Just another trait that seems to suit my character, and which offers some topic of conversation as an ice-breaker. (An annoying topic for me, but good if it makes the other party feel better about themselves!)

Alright, I can't resist, I must make one more comment before retiring, even though you may think it smug: I wonder whether a lot of the appeal of spirits is lost when you have access to the spark of lunacy. Having seen many a young dude in high spirits, laughing uncontrollably at what are rationally (!) trivialities, I totally sympathise with the desire to reach that state of mind. But I think I can summon at nearly at will; I've gathered enough experience over the years to serve as all the stimulus I need. That's a gift I was given long ago, and I've tried to put it to some use. It's probably how I've come so far. Maybe with an added catalyst I could go even further and start recording gripping post-punk records that reveal my genius to the world at large, but I choose to live with that mystery.

* I do understand there are other reasons why being seemingly deliberately contrarian might upset people, but I don't much feel like belabouring this subject.

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