Most probably throwaway, but I'm having the darndest time trying to finish it. I liked the idea a while ago, but this isn't quite what I had in mind.
"...You know what I mean?"
He asked affably
It was a cruel moment of indifference
When I did not feign sympathy
It might have been the coffee
I was missing so dearly
For I replied simply
"No, I do not;
Further, I never have
For I think you quite mad".
About Me
- AKM
- This blog is a creative outlet whose overarching purpose has varied over the years. While once I had pretensions of fictional writing, nowadays I'm content with studying events and moments in my life that (I hope) mean more than they let on.
8 comments:
should "For I think you quite mad" be "For I think you are quite mad"? or was it intentional?
^_^ eh, you've written better..
eep, I'd better run away.. *vanishes*
Nope, it was intentional. Can't remember what the intent was, but anyhow...
I agree, I have written better! I probably should've scrapped this, but what the hey. It was lying in my draft pile for so long, that I figured I may as well get it out there and be torn down by my fierce critics. Such as you ;)
oh ok :)
hehe, sorry for the ferocity ^o^ I probably don't have the right to criticise though; I'm not nearly as brave! I did put up something on my blog which I wrote recently, but it was too crap for me to keep up ^__^
I don't think you should scrap it though; it just seems like you're better off putting that idea out using prose, from the way you wrote it.
o_o|| wow, you posted your comment 4 minutes after I did?
:o!
i like free verse..so i'm not against this. besides,i like the idea.. i totally feel that at times. i just can't be bothered to care, or pretend that i care.
u cld make it longer though :)
Jenny: this is probably the second time you've attempted to retract your critique! I don't think you have any reason to apologize, after all I do need to be put in check once in a while, lest I think that everything I write is pure gold!
I actually felt it would be too bloated if I put it into prose...it definitely felt as though it would be better to write it as a verse. Plus I think the minimalism is reflective of the mood too!
airy: This was indeed borne out of one of those moments of, like you said, not even wanting to pretend like I was interested. Good to know I'm not the only one who has those :) I thought it worthy of some sort of writing, so I also like the idea, but I am a bit disappointed with the actual verse itself as it stands.
Re the length, there was actually a bit more to it, but I wasn't able to merge the two together, so I kept the 'better' half. Unfortunately, since this is something like a month later, I can't get myself back in the frame of mind to change this, or make any meaningful additions to it. So I guess this is going to be as good as it gets!
http://bittenpieces.blogspot.com/2005/06/when-i.html
that's a friend of mine.. your poem kinda reminded me of hers.. its similar, though not exactly.. i think you might identify with the frustration.. and feel less guilty in retrospect :D
Made me laugh :)
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