I must admit that I am a little disappointed with my Fedora installation. It does have its fair share of issues; just now it stopped responding to my keyboard, and all applications just locked up. Even better, when I rebooted, GRUB didn't even initialize. Sigh. It's my own fault, of course, going with such a bleeding-edge distro that has all the latest programs and utilities, not the tested and stable ones. I suppose it's good for a taste of where Linux is going, but it's not really (at the moment anyway) suited for serious daily use. Frankly, it doesn't seem to offer much benefit over XP, and if it crashes, then it's in fact worse!

I think I've had three weeks now of my anime exposure. I've got mixed feelings towards what I've seen. Let's see if I can muster the energy to blather on about them:

• Cowboy Bebop - Now this one has been a disappointment. I say that because I have read a lot about how it's one of the greatest animations ever, the pinnacle of anime genius, and so on. The ones I've seen haven't been the great experiences I thought they'd be - sure, they were entertaining, but nothing deep, profound, artistic, or whatever else I expect of something truly great.
  
  The story hasn't really done it for me, and I think that's the problem. You get the feeling that the whole thing is very stylistic, and you can see the various influences that it brings together, but then you also see that there isn't too much depth to what's actually going on. Sure, it has it's fair share of humour, but there doesn't seem to be any character development, and the plot doesn't really seem to go anywhere. I think continuity of story is important, and the ones I've seen are basically unrelated. This means there is no character development, and so we don't really get a chance to feel involved at all.
  
  Now having said all that, the show is entertaining. I would prefer to watch it over a great number of shows on TV, because it's certainly not some simplistic kids' show. The style is quite nice, and parts of it are funny, so I would never accuse it of being boring. In fact the style is what would keep one going and make one want to watch more of it. I'm too easily influenced, of course, but it's interesting how they try to blend different genres into the different episodes. You can sort of see that this all has the potential to be great, and that's a good thing - it just hasn't done it for me so far.
  
  My opinion so far - not brilliant, but I can see it getting there.
  



• Orphen - Lowered expectations give more enjoyment! Yes, I did not expect anything deep from this show, I expected some magic and a decent story, and that's exactly what I got, so I'm happy. There is something about this animation style that really captivates me - coupled with the music (which for some inexplicable reason reminds me of Japanese video games, even though I've never played any), it has it's own distinct feel.
  
  Story-wise, I've had to try to decipher the plot from the dialogue, and it is quite decent, although unfortunately I seem to have come in right towards the end, because next week is the last episode. Like I said, there's nothing altogether brilliant about it, it's decent entertainment, but I don't think it's much more (although I could well be mistaken, as I often am).
  



• Trigun - Ahh now this one is interesting. Again, I'm very easily influenced by what I read, so when I saw reviews of this hailing it as a blend of philosophy and sci-fi, I think I was already convinced that it was great. Alas, I've only seen two epsiodes (the first week, I must admit I thought it was too silly, just judging from the opening credits), but I am hoping that it turns out to be what is promised. Already we have the morally strong (yet wacky) hero, whose reputation causes the demise of those around him.
  
  The death of one of the people in the last episode really stuck in my mind, I don't know why. It was interesting to see the hero getting blamed for the destruction he inadvertantly caused, and him accepting the blame too. A slight deviation from the typical spotless champion of justice who does everything right. To be fair, not something dramatic, but I notice little things when it suits my opinion...!
  
  High hopes of this one!
  

Standard caveat of course, being that since I've only seen three episodes of each, this can hardly constitute a review. It's more of a musing, much like everything else on this blog.

These crack me up, I don't know why -

"If you have skipped lectures all semester, you'd better study hard. If you are bludgy student, you'd better study even harder. If you write dodgy answers on the exam, you will get a dodgy mark".

"If you draw bogus boxes and stickmen, you will receive a bogus mark."

I love the tone, especially in the second one.

Jennifer Garrett?!? It's a sign, Gazza...

I'm a little miffed that there isn't a way to upload images to Blogger with Linux. Seems like Picassa's Hello works only on Windows. A quick Google hasn't revealed anything useful, but I'm probably not looking hard enough.

I find that my Linux system is by and large self-sufficient, with a few exceptions. Firstly, network browsing is currently not available, because I have to play around with Samba first. So when I need to get stuff of one of the other machines, I currently have to boot into Windows. Secondly, the print driver is currently quite awful, the resolution is useless. This is again trivial to fix probably, I just need to spend more time working on it.

Nowadays I try to use Linux exclusively, to give it a fair go. Whaddaya know, it's not half bad! It got me thinking how Microsoft can compete with it, keeping their current business strategy. Perhaps I've been influenced by too much open source propaganda, but it seems to me like Linux's strengths will keep growing and growing, and it will get more and more stable (as per the famous quote, "given enough eyes, all bugs are shallow"). As a desktop option, it has certainly seen an exponential boost in usability, the days of a pure CUI Linux are behind us, GNOME and KDE may not be perfect but hey, they're a heck of a lot better than what they were a few years ago.

Will Microsoft change its strategy and embrace Open source? Will it try to crush it altogether? If it does, can it succeed? I am filled with ominous anticipation. For some reason I find myself sometimes rooting for Microsoft. Reading about their business practises only has a temporary effect on me, in the long run I seem to forget it and continue my Windows-worship. I am still uncertain whether the downfall of Microsoft will bring me sorrow (or, for that matter, whether the downfall of Linux will bring me joy).

I think at the very least it will be good for MS to get some competition, although how they respond to it is another matter. I am not too impressed with the anti open-source campaign it has been trying out, since it seems to be spreading FUD rather than actual fact. Then again, this is the business world, so perhaps this is what businesses do. I can't claim to know.

On a tangential subject, I hate Linux zealots. Why not Windows zealots? Because I don't see many of them. Linux zealots on the other hand seem to be abound, and they irk me. Then again, what if their zealotry is because of the damning nature of the truth about MS? Heh I don't know.

There's a bit of a backlog in posts I intended to make, but exams have sort of got in the way. Unfortunately, as I have mentioned before, these whimsical little posts lose their magic after a few days in my head, so I don't think I will post a lot of what I had intended.

There's lovely flaimbait to be found at Why Your Moveable Type blog must die. The author doesn't express himself too tactfully, and so it's quite easy to dismiss him as a troll, but he does raise the interesting issue of whether blogs are the scum of the internet. The rant is directed at MT blogs, but remarks on the inherent futility of blogs are abound. A related rant is this one, which offers more in terms of an semi-objective argument.

While many are quick to point out that there are good blogs out there, the argument is that the majority of blogs are a waste of space and so "must die", as the author colourfully puts it. The strongest argument against blogs is that they mess up Google. The claim is that most blogs simply provide links to a site and offer some pithy commentary that is usually quite trivial, and pretty much what everyone else in the world who is blogging is saying. This is of course greeted by cries of "too bad for Google!" by avid bloggers, who exert that it is their right to express themselves and that it's not their fault that Google gets confused.

One comment from the above site is "..people feel great after they post something on their blogs and they feel as if they have used their "right of expression" to the fullest..". Probably not intended as a generalization, but I thought I'd reflect a little on why I do this. I don't think it's the right of expression so much as the act of expression itself - there is a certain joy in expressing your thoughts in a concrete form, no matter how trivial they may be. I often treat the blog as a journal of my thoughts and experiences, from the facetious to the dead serious, so that no matter if no one else in the world could be bothered to read it, at least I can look back at what makes up my life at this very moment.

Being the introvert that I am, I am often consumed with thoughts, conversations and debates with myself, and opinions. In real-life I am non-confrontational and I think that by and large that is reflected in my blog, since I am always afraid of expressing my true opinion, lest someone else come and disagree. And of course, the act of expression is very cathartic when something is troubling you. I suppose we can deal with it in different ways. I tend to try and mull over it again and again in my head, so sometimes I try to express whatever haphazard thoughts I have in words.

As I have mentioned before, I originally intended this to be filled with truly profound stuff, philosophical exercises and the like, as well as anything related to programming. This was before I came to the conclusion that I am not really that bright, and therefore I can't really say anything meaningful on such subjects. All I've offered programming wise is "why I like C#", which is not quite I had in mind.

The second site actually has categories of blog authors. I believe I fall into quite a few of them -

• Reverse Voyeur? Spot on. I delude myself in thinking that people actually read this and find it informative and/or entertaining, and would love for passers-by to comment here, because that would make me feel like someone is listening.


• Tragically Geek? It's like you know me. I wouldn't call myself a (stereo)typical geek (I certainly don't know or don't intend to know anyone called "ph33rfr33k", for one), but the remarks on social skills are pretty much accuarte.


• Aspiring writer? Not generally, but sometimes I think I kid myself into thinking that what I'm doing is serious writing and expression of thought.

I am aware of the irony of this point probably perfectly fitting the description of pointlessness and what have you, but there you go. I truly believe that if anything, my blog can become the epitome of failure among weblogs, much like I am the epitome of failure among people.

So I think I've concluded that yes, this particular blog is useless, a waste of space, and that I as the author suffer from delusion and social isolation. But I shall blog anyway, not out of defiance, not out of a sense of "I can blog, so I will, and if you don't like it, tough!", but just out of a need to feed my own ego, to make myself feel more important, as if I've actually accomplished something with spending time posting here. Reality may be otherwise, but delusion my friends is a far more powerful device.

I wonder what it is about humans that we are unable to separate logic and emotion. Why do I consistently do the opposite of what logic tells me, instead following emotion? I especially love it when afterwards I sit back and reflect on everything, and basically end up where I started - having a perfectly clear idea, logically, of what I should do. But when the moment comes, say bye-bye to logic. Someone I know once likened it to how your intellect is a soft voice that speaks to you, whereas your body is this massive sea of emotions and feelings that totally overwhelms you. When the moment comes, do you listen to the soft voice? Or do you listen to the roaring sea? Interesting.

Of course, I don't mean that one should live one's life purely by logic, but surely one should not live one's life purely based on feeling. The answer must lie somewhere in between.

If we have a soul, can we lose it forever? When you sin, what happens? Does a part of you die? Are you robbed of the one thing that could make you immortal? Are you left to contemplate your actions and realize and what you've given up? Is there a universal notion of sin anyway? At some degree, moral standards are self-imposed, so sin would have to be a relative term in some sense.

What does it mean when you beg for forgiveness and then make the same mistake again? Does your word have any worth anymore? I don't think I can trust myself anymore, I don't think I know who I am! It's easy now to think "Oh but I'll never do it again". That's what I said two years ago, and now look at me. Simply pathetic.

I bitterly realize today that I am much the same person I was two years ago. I have not changed at all - sure, I try to act like I'm suddenly mature, but nope, I'm still a frightened, confused little boy on the inside. The more things change, the more they stay the same. I wish I could just snap my fingers and forget the past, but it's never that easy. Confusion, pain and sorrow are powerful emotions, ones that you can hide for a long time, but which sooner or later are going to turn up again.

Final batch of pics (in case you care, which you most certainly don't):


Gah!









There we go. That's the lot. 

By the way, I'm making fun of myself, not the marker.

Hmm this thing isn't letting me send multiple pictures. Let's see now.. 

More pics. 

The remains of one of my INFO assignments, after I crumpled it, threw it to the floor, and wrote strange comments on it. Not funny at all, but I thought I might as well post it for posterity's sake.